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Archive for April, 2012

Outage Alert : is online due to Astroglide Spill [RESOLVED]

Attention All HostBluff Customers, We are aware that has been put online 24 minutes ago. Upon an investigation by our tech, it appears that some Astroglide Personal Lubricant was smeared all over the server. We have spoken to the only 2 staff members who were in the Datacenter (Zach and Jacob) who appear to also be surprised by our findings. We have unplugged the ...

HostBluff Launches new TLD .scam

Attention all HostBluff Customers, We are pleased to be the first web host to launch our own Top Level Domain, .scam. We have reserved HostBluff.scam for internal use. All of our customers will now also be required to use .scam domains as we will no longer be accepting .com, .org, .net or any other TLD. If you would like a new .scam domain, please ...

New Policy : DDoS Attacks

Attention all HostBluff, In order to compensate for the unplanned uptime, we will be performing daily DDoS Attacks against our IP Ranges just in case.

CATastrophic Alert : We have been hacked

Attention all HostBluff Customers, Our network security team has reported that we have been hacked. All images on our homepage (and all of our customers websites) have been replaced with cats. The attacker has also modified our plans and has also taken control of the live chat system. We are working to resolve but may need to power on customers servers ...

48 Minutes of Uptime

Attention all HostBluff Customers, I would like to personally apologize to all of our customers for our latest uptime incident today. Due to unsanitary working conditions, we have been dealing with a rather large rodent infestation in our Data Center. We had no idea that rats can conduct electricity but it appears they can. In an act that can only be described as an unholy rodent-centipede, the rats caused ...

HostBluff Reseller Program now OPEN

Attention All HostBluff Customers, We have officially launched our Reseller Program which will allow all customers to resell our services as their own. There are several features that make our reseller program unique. End User Support - We will provide your customers with the same level of support that you get from HostBluff. This includes our witty pick-up lines and random insults. Please keep ...

HostBluff Crime Scene Investigation Team Called In

Attention all HostBluff Customers, Our Crime Scene Investigation Team has been alerted to a strange smell coming from behind one of the server racks. They are currently looking into the matter however the details are sketchy. I will update this post with more details. We have attempted to reach out to Derrick but he is still not able to be located.

Has anyone seen Derrick?

Attention All HostBluff Customers, We seem to have temporally lost track of our Dictator and CEO Derrick Smith. His car still appears to be in the parking lot as if he did not leave last night. We have our Guards looking for him now. I will report back with more details.     Keith Myers Director of Customer Complaints.

HostBluff News : Filming will take place in the next few weeks

Attention all HostBluff Customers, We are pleased to announce that the Christian Children Network with a partnership from James Cameron will be filming on the HostBluff campus next month. Typically this group films stories about childhood poverty in poor nations such as Ethiopia and Haiti. When they heard the story from one of our former support specialists, they immediately started pulling ...

HostBluff is Issued US Patent Number : 3254548518581515

Attention All HostBluff Customers, I am pleased to announce that has been issued its first US Patent - 3254548518581515, "The Transmission of useless Junk over a public network". As such, we are going to start suing the following companies for allowing the transmission of useless content over the internet; US Lawmakers EU Lawmakers ALL Government Websites RIM (BBM) Yahoo SOPA Supporters Twitter Facebook MySpace All Dating Websites Fox AOL Apple GoDaddy We ask that if you ...

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