Archive for June, 2012

Attention All Inmates, HostBluff has completed the migration all all customers to our new Offshore Datacenter. You are now permitted to host all of your illegal unicorn porn, nulled software and anything else that would otherwise end up putting you in jail.   Attention All Hackers, Please only use the backdoors that you put into the nulled software between midnight and 1:11 AM. We ...

Attention All HostBluff Customers, As you may have noticed, Twitter has been down for several hours. While it has not been officially announced, Twitter has indeed moved its infrastructure to HostBluff.com. This strategic move allows Twitter to save tens of thousands of dollars per day in Bandwidth Fees as none of our servers are ever online. Twitter is actually the first customer to ...

Attention all HostBluff Customers, As most of you already know, we are fully dedicated to making your hosting experiences with HostBluff as miserable as possible by providing all customers with world class downtime and frustration. In effort to usher in the next generation "SRU" (Super Redundantly Unreliable) Hosting Infrastructure, we will need to downgrade our production servers from iOS5 to Windows 8 RT. This change ...

Attention All HostBluff Customers, We are saddened to report that we suffered a major data breach on our network. It appears the names and shoe sizes of all of our customers have been leaked to the public. If you were impacted by this breach, we advise you change your shoe sizes immediately.

Attention All HostBluff Customers, We were just alerted to possible uptime on Server 23. Our Network Operations Team is looking for an engineer to shut the server back down.   Update 9:23 AM - Our network engineer has been located, he was passed out in a ditch after a long night of drinking. He is in route to our datacenter to shut down ...

Attention all HostBluff Customers, This morning we were shocked to see that we have lost more customers. According to our research, they appear to have gone to VPS.net. We reached out to the irate customers and interrogated them to ask why they left, they provided us with the following answers; HostBluff does not run a real cloud server, VPS.net does We need ...

Attention All HostBluff Clients, Effective Next Week, we will be launching our new Cloud Based Super Master Delta Alpha Reseller Hosting Plans. All of these plans will feature; Unlimited Disk Space Unlimited Bandwidth Unlimited Databases Unlimited Email accounts Unlimited Sub Clients Unlimited Downtime Unlimited Class  B2 Bomber IP Addresses Unlimited Frustration HostBluff has built our new cloud architecture system to offer unparalleled industry downtime at a whole 100% monthly average. ...

Attention All HostBluff Customers, We are pleased to report that we have launched our updated line of SEO Hosting Plans to the general public. Our SEO Hosting plans can be used to build fake backlink sites to help promote your useless content that people dont want to read anyways. We can personally guarantee that your placement on Google will drop faster then Facebook ...

Attention all HostBluff Customers, In line with Apple, we have now added 1080 p Retina Displays to all of our servers. Fortunately they still have the same unreliable hardware inside that you have all grown to expect from HostBluff. Existing customers will not need to make any code changes to their existing sites as the servers will still remain powered off ...

Attention All HostBluff Customers, We will be performing a scheduled maintenance to our primary server cluster at Midnight Tonight. Our servers may appear online for a period of up to 22 hours. We will do our best to minimize the uptime. Thank you for your understanding.