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HostBluff Launches new Affiliate Program

Attention all HostBluff Customers,

I am often approached by customers asking if they can refer potential customers to our services so their poor friends and family members can witness the same cruelty that we treat all of our customers with. After much thought, we decided to launch our new affiliate program.

Using the HostBluff Affiliate Program, you can share our crap with the people you resent the most, such as;

  • Your In-Laws
  • Your Ex Wife/Husband
  • Your Ex Girlfriend/Boyfriend
  • Your Facebook “Friends”
  • Your Twitter Followers
  • Old Teachers
  • Your Employer
  • Your Proctologist
  • Radio Announcers
  • And More…

With the HostBluff Affiliate program, you can earn a whopping 0.43% of EACH sale where the customer remains with us for more then 9 years. This is 94% BELOW Industry average.

All Affiliates will be given a barcode that is tattooed onto their Foreheads. The same Affiliate codes will also be tattooed onto all immediate family members as well. This 3 inch x 9 inch banner add will display a barcode, offer and link to HostBluff.com.

What makes this program even better is that it is MANDATORY. All current, past and future customers will automatically be enrolled into the program. We will have our Tattoo Artist here on Tuesday to start the process.

13 Responses to “HostBluff Launches new Affiliate Program”

  1. Client #227 - Sajan Parikh

    Would we be allowed to have the tattoo on our lower back region? I’m thinking that would probably get a lot more views than my forehead.

    April 23rd, 2012 Reply
    • admin

      True, but dont you have your Bacon Tramp Stamp there?

      April 23rd, 2012 Reply
  2. Client #465 Kevin

    Mandotory? No way! Pay my money back now! I want refund, cancel all services!

    April 23rd, 2012 Reply
    • admin

      Dear Sir, Refunds can only be issued in sexual favors behind rack 1. We currently have Dallas on staff to give these out. He may be ugly but does great work

      April 23rd, 2012 Reply
      • Client #465 Kevin

        I want refund now!! You scam my money!!!!

        April 23rd, 2012 Reply
        • admin

          Dear Sir, Refunds can only be issued in sexual favors behind rack 1. We currently have Dallas on staff to give these out. He may be ugly but does great work.

          April 23rd, 2012 Reply
          • Client #465 Kevin

            My website is offline, can you pls help me ?

            It has only been online for less than 3 minutes since I bought it 1 month ago! I really need this hosting now. Because this is costing me money. If you cant do this, can you please refund my money

            Thanks

            April 23rd, 2012
          • admin

            Kevin,
            I am very sorry for the 3 minutes of uptime that you reported. We will do our best to make sure it does not happen again. Thank you for hosting with HostBluff

            April 23rd, 2012
  3. Client #465 Kevin

    This is a true scam….. I will report you to the bureau of business!

    April 23rd, 2012 Reply
    • admin

      Why yes we are a true scam, thanks for the review, it means a lot to us and also shows that the special training Constantino provided is working.

      We spoke to the BBB and they are closing our account, They report that they set up an entire MySQL Cluster to handle our reports alone. Its starting to cost them money.

      WebHostingTalk is also censorting our name too

      April 23rd, 2012 Reply
      • Client #465 Kevin

        YOU MAKE ME ONE FRUSTRATED CUSTOMER!!!!! UGHHHH! !!!! : (((

        April 23rd, 2012 Reply
        • Client #465 Kevin

          Can you at least stop charging my credit card

          April 23rd, 2012 Reply
          • Admin Version 2

            Yes ofcourse we will charge your credit card forever, i apologize if we forgot to.

            April 25th, 2012